The Odd Job Read online

  Chapter 8

  We returned in the manner we had left, a flash of light and we were all back in the Great Hall. For some reason we had all walked some distance from the standing stones before we were transported back to the hall. I figured that there was likely tradition involved or some force at work that prevented traveling within the stone circle. I'd have to ask one day.

  I have a bad habit of becoming lost in my thoughts. It must be a bad habit if it causes me to walk into lampposts and crosswalk signs. In my opinion, daydreaming is much worse when it causes me to walk into mountains dressed in full battle armor.

  "I am Heimdallr," the walking mountain said in a rumble of tectonic plates. "I foretold your coming," the mountain continued.

  "Heimdallr, don't frighten the boy," Aphrodite cooed. "He's had quite the day," Aphrodite concluded as she flashed the mountain with one of her enchanting smiles. The mountain began shuffling its feet like a boy at a school dance.

  "You will come to my aid," the mountain said with another shifting of tectonic plates. "Thank you," it added, practically frozen by Aphrodite's smile.

  "You're welcome?" I offered, not sure quite how to speak to the landmass.

  Aphrodite slid a hand around my waist and guided me away, leaving the mountain stunned in her wake. "You and I have that favor to discuss," she said playfully, giving my waist a squeeze. I caught a glance of Belinde as I was led away. She looked absolutely scandalized. I was about to ask if Bel could accompany us when Aphrodite transported us. Oh boy, I thought, Belinde was going to be pissed. After my ears cleared from the whoosh I was beginning to grow accustomed to, I asked Aphrodite where we were.

  "We are in my personal chambers of course," she replied.

  "On Mount Olympus?" I asked.

  She chuckled musically at my question. "No, two doors down the hall from your room," she replied, artfully containing her mirth.

  "You said you had a favor to ask of me, Elder?" I said desperately trying to establish a level of professional conduct.

  "Yes," the goddess purred as she turned to face me. I came very close to letting loose a very unmanly squeak as she came nose to nose with me. I could feel her breath on my face and was trying to think of as many different things as I could. It was a feeble attempt to take my mind off the fact that the most beautiful and sensual female who had ever existed was pressed up against my chest.

  "I know that you have had a very long and unsettling day, but I desperately need your assistance,” she said, leaning even closer and whispering the words into my ear. 'Hold on,' I thought, 'if I couldn't get Bel to have a cup of coffee with me, why would the Goddess of Love, Beauty and all things delightfully spongy be hitting on me?' I reasoned, thinking in a loud mental voice, that she was obviously just toying with me.

  "That's my job, your Godliness,” I said, finally deciding to get to the heart of whatever this was before I found myself groping one of the elders.

  Once again the goddess of love laughed musically. She nuzzled my neck and said. "You are the Adjustor now. You can simply call me Elder or Aphrodite." A slight puff of breath from her nose tickled my earlobe as she finished speaking. I really couldn't take another moment before I started showing arousal. I finally had to lightly grasp her shoulders and lean her away slightly to look her in the eye.

  "Aphrodite, please tell me what it is you would like me to do. If I can pull it off without getting myself killed in the process, well that would be just great. You really don't have to flirt with me to get me to do my job." I was actually starting to get a little pissed off. “Almighty Gods or not, I think you all made a huge mistake elevating some random idiot to the post, office or whatever it is of ‘Adjustor’. I still don't even know what that means. That doesn't mean that I won't do the best I can. Just please play fair, ok?" I finished my rant and saw the surprise clearly on her face. 'Aw, son of a bitch’, I thought, 'I managed to piss off a god on my first damn day on the job!' I spent the next few moments wondering if my end would be painful.

  "You don't seek to curry favor?" she asked.

  "I'm sorry, Elder, I really don't know what you're talking about," I confessed. Jesus, this chick was a looney. She had me thinking I was here to play cabana boy one second and the next she had me thinking my number was up. Now she was acting like I was speaking in chirps and whistles like a dolphin.

  "Your duty is to right the wrongs committed by the Sly. Protect us from their treachery and endeavor, with our, help to maintain a balance of hope in the mortal realms,” the goddess said. “When the Goddess of Love and Beauty asks for a favor outside of your sworn duties, well, you are a man and I would expect you to seek compensation." She actually looked embarrassed.

  I won. My face turned beet red and I started to sweat as I tried to speak. "I, I, I, I, oh... crap." I managed to say without passing out. Naughty thoughts were having a knock down drag out fight between my eyeballs. I actually had to scrunch my eyes shut for a few seconds. I had just royally buggered up a chance to get frisky with Aphrodite! Beauty queens would switch sexual orientation just to flirt with this woman! What had I done? I had probably also screwed up any chance I would ever get with Bel, just for being alone with Aphrodite for this long.

  "Please accept my apologies, Adjustor," Aphrodite said as she bowed slightly. She was valiantly battling the urge to smile.

  "Will you tell me what you wanted?" I asked.

  "It seems foolish now,” she said regretfully.

  "I'd like to hear anyway. If it was important enough for you to consider slumming then it's important enough," I coaxed. She smiled then, not one of her practiced, enchanting smiles but a sincere smile. Taking my hand enthusiastically, she led me to a strange seat that looked like a chair playing at being a couch and sat down. Pulling me down beside her, she began relating the story of a young woman in need.

  "The sickness has robbed her of her beauty, much of her hair and her hope," the goddess moaned, sincerely heartbroken by the tragedy. "Her last hope is to know love before she dies." A tear rolled down her cheek to rest at her nose. I pulled the handkerchief from my breast pocket, mentally thanking Wellington for his thoroughness, and offered it to her. She accepted it gratefully and dabbed her nose before continuing. "We've had such little authority since the pact that we are often powerless to help those who are pure of heart and deserving," she said with a sniffle.

  "I'd love to help," I said, sincerely wishing I could. "I just don't know what to do," I finished hopelessly.

  The elder brightened noticeably and said, "I have a gift." She sprang from her seat like an excited young girl and ran as quickly as her gown and heels would allow to a nearby vanity. Quickly picking up a brush, she scampered back to place it in my hands. "My brother helped me fashion this,” she said excitedly. "It will help restore her hair and her beauty,” she said with emotion brimming in her eyes.

  "And when her beauty is restored, her faith will follow,” I said, realizing the plan.

  "Her faith will save her," Aphrodite finished.

  "How do I find her?" I asked, standing with the brush cradled in my hands like expensive china.

  "Then you'll do it?" Aphrodite squeaked in delight.

  "Of course,” I said, like I could refuse a chance to help in such a situation.

  "Your carriage will have the path, but you must not be seen entering her home or her bedroom. You must also secure her oath of secrecy before bestowing the gift," she cautioned.

  "I think I can manage that," I said, turning to leave.

  "Declan," she prompted, causing me to turn back.

  "Yes," I asked.

  "You don't have to use the door. You are aware of that, aren't you?" she asked.

  "No one has taught me to transport yet,” I said awkwardly. She chuckled and shook her head.

  "Just picture the place in your mind, then mentally step," she offered.

  "I'll let you know what happened when I get back. Please let Bel know where I've gone,” I said with a grin.


  Whoosh and I was in the parking garage. I was about to climb into my car when I thought of Egg. The last place I had seen him was the Great Hall. Whoosh, and I was in the Great Hall facing the ornate eastern wall. In front of me, staring intently at the carving was Egg. The poor little guy must have thought I was still coming through and was stoically awaiting my return. How something mechanical could be so noble and loyal was a mystery to me. Then again I had been dealing with gods all day so I guess that just made Egg quirky.

  "Hey buddy,” I said, watched Egg jump in surprise. After recovering from slamming his nose into the wall carving, Egg shot me a chastising glance. "Fancy a ride in my new car?" I cajoled. Egg hopped up and down a couple of times and trilled a bright, clean note of happiness and excitement. I had a feeling the little dragon would have his head out the window like a dog if I let him.

  Resting a hand on Egg’s head, I thought of the space beside the passenger side of my car and mentally stepped once again. Whoosh, and I was there with Egg. It seemed funny that when I transported I heard a whoosh and when someone else transported near me I heard a pop. 'Oh well, another one of the mysteries surrounding my new life.' I thought as I opened the door for Egg. "Watch your claws on the leather, Egg. I just got this car today and I don't want it messed up, ok?" I cautioned Egg. Egg trilled at me and hopped onto the passenger seat, thankfully doing no damage to the upholstery.

  After closing the door for Egg, I padded around to the driver’s side of the vehicle and opened the door for myself. Climbing into the driver’s seat I remembered that the key was in my bag. "Crap! I left the damn key in my bag," I moaned, hoping this wasn't a sign of how my first mission would continue. I was startled by a whoosh and pop beside me that I could feel in my ears. I turned to see Egg sitting with my messenger bag dangling from his mouth. "Egg, you're the best!" I said patting his head. I reached into the bag and exchanged the ornate hairbrush for the key, almost dropping it before I could finish inserting it into the ignition. Sam's unexpected voice almost gave me a heart attack.

  "Welcome back, Mr. Aingeal," Samantha cooed in her sultry voice.

  "Jesus!" I yelped laughing at myself. "Sam, you scared the crap out of me,” I said as the car's voice reminded me to dig the glasses I was supposed to be wearing out of my bag.

  "I'm sorry, Mr. Aingeal. I doubt it will happen again," she finished, obviously pleased at surprising me.

  "Call me Declan," I urged, sliding the enchanted glasses onto my face.

  "I have an errand to run for Aphrodite. Feel like a drive?" I asked.

  "I have been sent coordinates and necessary information. I’m ready," Sam offered. 'I’m ready' sounding a lot like 'I’m naked' to my ears.

  Cranking the ignition key with a smile, I pulled out of the parking garage as Sam opened the garage doors. "You may want to fasten your seatbelt, Declan," Sam offered helpfully. I had a feeling she was just happy to converse with someone. This was Egg’s first car ride and I was pretty sure the only time he had ever been outside with the exception of the trip to the top of the world tree. Egg had lowered my bag to the floor of the passenger's side and was eagerly looking out the windshield at the passing scenery. I was tempted to lower the window just to see if he would stick his head out like a dog, but I thought better of it.

  "Sam, any sign of pursuit?" I asked, more to give Sam the chance to chat than anything else.

  "No, Declan. I am actively scanning for both pursuit and interception," Samantha replied with her usual efficiency and phone sex operators voice.

  Our destination was clearly indicated on the HUD. There were vehicles in operation all moving in random paths. None of them was presumably the same type favored by the people that had attempted pursuit earlier. I made a mental note to ask Sam how she had known the car that had followed us earlier today had been a threat. We were nearing our destination though and I wanted to prepare myself for what lie ahead.

  I had a hunch that Egg was telepathic. If I were right, my job would be easy. If I was wrong, well, let's just hope I was right. "Egg," I said, getting the little dragon's attention, "can you hear me if I call out to you with my thoughts?" Egg trilled an unmistakable confirmation at me. I was starting to understand the different trills. That one was either 'yes' or 'I understand'. "Good, I may need you to help me tonight,” I said looking him in the eye as I did. Egg dipped his head and gave a lower trill. He was ready.

  I was formulating a plan in my mind based on my own reactions to some of the odd things I had experienced today. If I approached this girl under just the right circumstances and with just the right words, she might not scream or panic. That would be great. In fact, it would be necessary if I had any hope of remaining covert. I wouldn't put it past the Sly, whoever they were, to be monitoring the police frequencies. "Sam," I asked the exotic automobile, "Who are the Sly?"

  "They are the enemy," the car replied sounding thoroughly disgusted. I would probably have to ask Wellington what he knew about the Sly if I had any hope of getting a straight answer.

  The display on the windshield had changed to a scaled wire model display of the surrounding buildings and a blue dot was blinking on the second floor of a nearby building. My guess was that we had reached our destination.

  "Declan, we have reached our destination," Sam informed me. As I pulled to a stop across the street from the building in question, the HUD changed once again to a schematic of the second floor apartment belonging to our damsel in distress. A blue dot still signified her location but now the location was specific to a given room. In this case, she was sitting at a desk or vanity beside a bed.

  I peered out the driver's side window at the apartment window and noticed a balcony that I could transport to. Thankfully there was a slight gap in the curtains that was shedding a soft pool of light onto the balcony. If I could see into her apartment from that gap, I was in. "I wish I knew her name," I grumbled. I was more than slightly pissed at myself for not having bothered to ask such a simple question before I left.

  "The contact's name is Elena," Sam offered. "Elena Petrova, born of a second generation immigrant family originally from Lugansk, Ukraine."

  "Sam, you really are wonderful,” I said, thanking Sam for preventing me from looking like a total idiot. If I was to show up without knowing the woman's name, it was doubtful an expensive suit would be enough to stop her from thinking I was a thief or a serial murderer.

  "Ok Egg, be ready when I call," I cautioned the little dragon while I withdrew the brush from my bag and handed it to him. "You bring this with you when I call, ok?" Egg gave a quick little trill and grasped the brush gently with his teeth.

  Looking out the window once again, I fixed the position in my mind and mentally stepped. Whoosh, I was standing on the balcony railing in a semi-sitting position. 'Well isn't this just lovely,' I thought as panic took hold. I started to wobble while furiously looking around for some way to save myself from a thirty-foot drop to unforgiving pavement.

  In the end, the fact that I got a glance of a mat just outside the balcony's sliding door is what saved me. Straightening out my legs and mentally fixing the street beside the car, I transported again to the street, then immediately transported to the mat I had fixed in my mind. 'Moron,’ I thought to myself, 'you were sitting in the car, of course you would be sitting when you transported!'

  There was no doubt that I had a lot to learn if I wanted to survive my new position for any length of time. After chiding myself, I carefully peered through the gap in the curtains. The balcony door was locked as I suspected, but I had a clear view of a landing spot. I also had a clear view of Elena as she sat at an antique vanity with her back to me. "Well," I whispered to myself, "there's no time like the present." So, trusting in the luck of the Irish, I transported to the bedroom in view.

  I had also forgotten the popping sound transporting made, at least until the sound I had made arriving caused Elena to jolt with a start. The poor girl's head whipped around in fright to see me standing behind her. I guess
it would be rather startling to have a well-dressed yet strange man, suddenly appear behind you in your bedroom. I was, however, counting on that fact. The theatric sound effect was just icing on the cake.

  Elena was speechless with fright but by no means frozen. She jumped up from her seat and ran for a door across the room. Another whoosh and pop put me directly in her path. I reached out to gently grasp her shoulders just before she crashed into my chest. She gave a tiny little squeak and started to go limp.

  "Miss Petrova, the goddess Aphrodite sends her greetings,” I said, possibly just in time. The confusion of my words managed to short circuit Elena's urge to faint. She locked eyes with me in the manner of a child caught elbow deep in a cookie jar. "She also sends a special blessing," I finished.

  Elena took a small step back without trying to break my hold on her and looked me over briefly. She slowly reached up a hand to feel the fabric of my suit over my left lapel then ran it along my arm, squeezing slightly at the curve of my bicep. Almost too late, I realized that the girl thought I was the culmination of her prayers. I smiled at her and steered her back into her room with a hand resting on her back. Even in her frail state the girl was quite shapely and beautiful. Her Russian heritage was apparent in the high cheekbones and large blue eyes. But her full fashion model lips couldn't completely distract my gaze from the slightly sunken look of her eyes and the pallor of her complexion.

  I managed to guide her gently back to her seat in front of the vanity. Borrowing from my experience with Wellington, I tried to remain businesslike while maintaining the theatrics that would supply the necessary air of mystery and legend needed to foster faith. What I was doing tonight was, for all intents and purposes, similar to a biblical event. "The goddess has sent a gift for you,” I said, trying to mix a little James Bond in with my version of Wellington. I mentally called for Egg and he immediately popped into existence on the bed to our right.

  I slowly retrieved the brush from Egg and thanked him formally for his service to the goddess. I even used the term 'Noble Dragon,' just to add to the theatrics. I paused and bowed to Elena with the brush in my hands. "Elena Petrova, will you accept this gift crafted by Aphrodite herself?" I asked.

  "Yes," Elena replied just above a whisper in a beautiful voice, only slightly ravaged by her disease.

  "Will you swear to give thanks to the goddess every night as you use it and always keep its origins a secret?" I asked solemnly.

  "I promise, every night." Elena swore, excitement brimming over in her voice.

  "So be it," I finished.

  A few slow measured steps brought me back to a position behind Elena. I looked into her eyes through the reflection in the mirror and began to brush her hair. The tightness of her shoulders eased immediately and a soft sigh of pleasure and wonder escaped her lips. Elena's hair though slightly brittle at first was rapidly becoming soft as I gently pulled the brush through her hair. The natural bristles slowly worked their way through the thinning hair as only natural bristles can. As I brushed Elena's hair, I silently prayed to Odin for her health. I could feel that she was, at the core, a sincere and virtuous person. It seemed so unfair that a malignant disease should be allowed to ravage one so pure and gentle.

  I hadn't really been paying attention as I brushed. I was operating by feel and somewhat lost in my thoughts. When I remembered that I was here for a reason and not to daydream, my focus returned to the hair I was brushing. No longer limp and lackluster, Elena's golden locks were shining with the luster and sheen of youth. The wave and curl of healthy body had returned to her remaining hair. Even more astonishing was the amount of hair. I was brushing locks that were twice as thick as when I had started just a few minutes before. "You know, Elena, along with any measure of power or ability comes a measure of responsibility,” I said calmly.

  Elena's eyes, which had drifted closed nearly the moment I started brushing, slowly opened as if she was afraid she would break the spell of what she was experiencing. Her eyes met mine in the mirror. "I have no power," Elena said sadly. "I can barely work a full day and this is the first time a man has spent more than a minute with me in over a year," she ended with an empty and resigned tone.

  I smiled and nodded while I brushed her hair. "How we use our gifts is a testament to our worth, of who and what we are at the core," I said, once again doing my own version of Wellington. "Just promise me that you won't break too many hearts,” I said as I slowly crouched down to bring my face beside Elena's in the mirror's reflection.

  As the reflection of my face came even with Elena's in the mirror, Elena was forced to notice her own. Tears of joy sprang to eyes that were noticeably less sunken over a rosy set of cheeks. The big exclamation came when she looked up and noticed her much fuller hair with a healthy shine and bouncy curls. Tears of joy began to stream down her face as she ran her fingers through her hair.

  At that moment I knew I would do whatever it took to keep this job. I finally felt like I had done something that mattered in my life and a weight that I hadn't noticed before suddenly lifted from my soul. "It's time I returned to the goddess,” I said. "She will want to hear all about our little meeting," I finished with a smile.

  Elena looked a bit crestfallen as I stood. "You won't stay?" she asked, her cheeks betraying her embarrassment. I managed not to panic before inspiration struck, then raked her over with roguish appraisal and a decidedly naughty wink.

  "Oh, I'm tempted,” I said, continuing to play the rogue for just a moment longer, "but I'd probably be turned into a newt for my insolence." I added a full smile after speaking.

  Elena looked shocked at first, then smiled up at me with hooded eyes that promised she would make it worth my while, and then finally sighed in acceptance. Showing a little spirit that did wonders for my ego, Elena grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me full on the mouth. "I hope I get to see you again someday, and that you're still human,” she added with a playful little smile once she released me.

  "That would be nice," I said, not knowing if it would ever happen.

  As I turned to leave she asked, "Will you please tell me your name?"

  Figuring it couldn't hurt I told her, "My name is Declan." I gave a slight bow to remain in character.

  "Thank you,” she said simply.

  I smiled and turned to collect Egg. "Remember," I said as I laid a hand on Egg’s head, "not too many broken hearts, ok?" and with that I popped back into the car.

  My head thumped off the roof of the car because I had been standing when I transported. As I sat rubbing my head in the driver's seat I was consoled by the fact that Elena was unable to witness this little spectacle. It would have definitely diminished the overall effect of her experience. "Well Sam, the first mission went well,” I said.

  "I'm grateful you didn't fall to your death," Sam stated blandly. I was certain that I heard desperately controlled mirth in her voice. Coming from a car, that mirth really was disconcerting. Of course, knowing that there was a soul housed within the body of my car was also pretty strange.

  "Well, Egg, you did a great job,” I said, patting the little dragon on the head while ignoring Sam's mocking tone. Aside from almost toppling to my possible demise, I thought I had done fairly well. Egg appeared to be quite pleased with the evening's results. "I guess it's time we went home, Sam," I said, turning the key in the ignition. A map directing me back to The Estate promptly appeared on the HUD as I placed the car in drive and completed a U-turn in the street.

  My life had changed so much in the last eight hours that I could barely believe it. I asked myself if I was dreaming at least three times on the way back and was about to ask a fourth time when I drove past a McDonalds. I was tempted to use the drive-through just to see the look on the attendants face as I pulled up to the window in a grossly expensive automobile and suit. At that point I knew I wasn't dreaming. No one questions the urge to be a smartass in a dream? If I hadn't snapped mentally by this point, chances were that I'd adapt sooner or later
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