The Odd Job Page 2

  Chapter 2

  It had taken just over twenty minutes walking just to get into a line up at cellular dealer's outlet, where I could only hope the phone I wanted was in stock. It took another fifteen minutes creeping agonizingly along like a segment of a human centipede to get to the counter where I was promptly thrown out of the store for looking like a criminal and another twenty minutes before I finally realized I would never get a cab if I didn't remove my blood soaked jacket. Ten minutes after that, I was finally in a cab heading home.

  Most of my coworkers had probably left work or were already home and I still didn't have a phone. I'd have to go again tomorrow and just deal with the backwash of messages that would be waiting in my voicemail. It would be nice if something, anything, worked out in my favor before the day ended.

  I was grumping to myself and I knew it was just exhaustion and nerves. Hell, my sandwich had been ready for me at lunch, everyone I had talked to the entire day with the exception of Glen seemed ready and willing to help or be understanding. Other than having the one guy die on me, the day had been pretty good to me.

  It's the little things, the little acts kindness some people share that make you want to look for the silver lining I was thinking as I slid my key into the front door very glad to be home. It was the little things, or the little parts of what used to be bigger things, little things that were now strewn all over the floor of my apartment. "What the hell!" I groaned aloud as I surveyed the damage.

  Someone had trashed my home and belongings and then had the presence of mind to lock the door on their way out. I pulled Detective Mullins card from my pocket and realized I had no way to contact him. "Great, just fucking great," I bitched as I kicked a sofa cushion off the no longer flat flat-screen TV that I had just finished paying for. I didn't know where to start and was trying to come up with a plan when there was a knock at the door. Maybe it was a healthy sofa or new flat screen knocking at my door. No, it was Belinde.

  "Bel,” I said, slightly surprised, "what are you doing here?" Not that I didn't like looking at Bel's lovely buxom frame, I was just dealing with enough already that I couldn't appreciate the honor of a visit.

  "I was worried!" she exclaimed. "I heard what happened and tried to call you!" She was slightly out of breath and panting for some unknown reason. It was nice to watch Bel pant. "I've been trying to reach you since you left the office, why haven't you answered your phone?" she exclaimed in a worried tone.

  I dug my phone out of my bag and held it in front of her face. "Oh," was her sagely reply as she dropped her gaze in embarrassment. She then noticed the general disarray of my apartment and let out a low whistle. "Wow! Did Glen piss you off that much?" she asked while gesturing at the disaster around her.

  "Bel," I began in dismay, "someone trashed my place. I didn't do this!" I was still searching for something more to say when a second knock came at the door.

  I answered the door again. This time a very well dressed gentleman walked in, stepping around and past me like he owned the place. "Good evening, Mr. Aingeal," he said in an English accent. "My name is Wellington. I am here to facilitate your transition." The crisply dressed gentleman glanced around at the mess, then cast an appraising glance at Belinde. "I see you keep a Vampire. Impressive."

  “Succubus,” Belinde interrupted.

  The gentleman looked at Bel and simply said, “Of course.” He was all business. I was stunned into silence. "Here is your new cellular telephone, the keys to your new car and accommodations as well as your glasses," he said as he handed me one item at a time ending with a stylish leather snap case.

  "I don't wear glasses," I said, as if this was the first and only point I should be taking exception to.

  "You do now," he said as if he were fourth year physics professor. "Now please pay attention,” the Englishman said, “I have no wish to explain anything more than once and I am even less inclined to explain the obvious."

  "I'm all ears," I said, playing along. "Please continue."

  Before replying to me, Wellington turned to Belinde and said, “There isn’t much point in going further until you have made your decision.”

  “What decision?” Belinde asked.

  “You may not be a full Vampire,” Wellington said, “but you are of Vampire, and we are at war with a great many of them.”

  “That suits me just fine,” Belinde said.

  “I say this because,” the Englishman looked over his glasses for emphasis, “you may be seen as a threat. If you are allowed to remain, you will have to prove yourself. I sincerely hope you understand the gravity of your situation,” he finished with severity on his brow.

  Belinde swallowed audibly, her eyes growing large. I wasn’t sure exactly what was going on. I was probably still in shock but Bel appeared to be wrestling with a tough choice; that much was certain.

  Turning back to me, Wellington cleared his throat and began, "As the mantle has been passed to you, all arrangements have been made to accommodate you and your needs. Your transportation is currently parked in visitor parking with The Estate, your new lodgings, programmed into the NAV system. Your vampire is, of course, welcome." Wellington glanced at Belinde and nodded slightly before continuing. “Please use your eyewear at all times whether you are outside of or at work."

  "Is that it?" I asked.

  "No, of course not,” Wellington replied. "There will be a full orientation at Operations or what we refer to as ‘The Estate’, when you arrive. Should you wish to retain your vampire, she will be included."

  "Succubus," Belinde interrupted with a grumble that was more of a pout.

  Wellington looked like he was trying to hold back a cough. "Sorry," he continued with what was becoming an obvious snicker. "Should you wish to retain your succubus, arrangements will be made." Wellington had to finish quickly as what appeared to be a coughing fit overtook him. Belinde was glaring at him with her arms awkwardly crossed over her breasts.

  "What?" I asked them both.

  "He doesn't know," Belinde grumped at the Englishman. At this point Wellington doubled over and there was no mistaking the laughing fit for a coughing fit.

  "What are you laughing about?" I asked.

  Wellington, after a superhuman effort to control his mirth, finally replied, "A succubus differs slightly from the norm of Vampire in that they are not quite as strong and they require less blood." At this point he looked like he was about to burst out laughing again. "Their feeding habits are also, significantly different." Once again he was covering his mouth with a fist.

  "Yeah, yeah,” I said. "Everybody knows that a succubus feeds on sleeping men." Before I had even finished speaking, Wellington was forced to turn away. His shoulders were shaking and it was obvious that I was being punk'd. "Ok you two,” I said in a voice that left no doubt that I had had enough. "Show me where the camera is, tell me what I've won and be on your way. I have a lot of cleaning to do before I can turn in and I have had a very long, very strange day!"

  Wellington turned back to me, having finally composed himself. "I assure you Mr. Aingeal, you are not being 'punk'd' as you put it. This young lady is most assuredly a succubus, and although you are quite ignorant of anything outside of the mundane, you have proven instincts and you did agree to this."

  "Agree to what?" I yelled finally losing my cool. "You march into my place, start talking about random shit, and then expect me to believe in vampires." Belinde cleared her throat and Wellington scowled at me. I didn't care. "You two are obviously in on this and I don't care what kind of game you're playing, but enough is enough!" Belinde was softly kicking the back of my leg to shut me up but it wasn't working.

  Wellington pulled a note pad from his pocket and leafed through a few pages. "You are Declan Aingeal, son of Seamus Aingeal born 1937 Limerick Ireland?"

  "Yeah,” I said, "that sounds about right. Why is that important?"

  "I'm establishing your identity beyond question. Now, today at 12:37pm you swore an oath to the God
Odin. At 12:39pm the mantle was passed to you by your predecessor, Mr. Romeo Pittacus, who originally swore his oath in the name of Zeus. I can tell you there is definitely a flurry of activity and gossip over this. The elder, Odin, hasn't been in this position for a very long time. Actually I do believe this will be good for him." The Englishman sighed slightly as he finished speaking.

  "Oh come on,” I blurted with honest panic in my voice. "Let it go, the game is over. Next you'll be trying to convince me that the fair folk and little people in my father's bedtime stories are also real." I walked over to the door and yanked it open, practically tearing the knob off in the process. "I think it's past time the two of you left," I stated with as much authority as I could muster. I was tired and whatever kind of game or TV show this was, I didn't care. I wanted a hot shower and sleep.

  Wellington turned to Bel and said flatly, "Miss, please help Mr. Aingeal to the car. I will meet you both at The Estate after I perform a quick inventory." With that, he turned away. I was about to object further when Bel picked me up by the collar of my coat and marched out the door.

  "Oh, you're a heavy one," Belinde said, putting me down after the short flight of stairs that led to the complex foyer. She was five foot four and had carried me about seventy-five feet with one arm. For once in my life I actually had nothing to say. It wasn't that I was shocked into silence, far from it. I was actually quite pissed, but after being manhandled by a petite blonde everything I could think of saying would have sounded stupid.

  Entwining her right arm with my left and placing her left hand over my bicep, Bel looked up at me with a satisfied expression and marched me out the front door. I was scowling of course but at least my feet were on the ground. At the end of the walkway Bel turned to her left and led me towards visitor parking. "Have you been here before?" I asked, wondering how Bel knew her way around.

  "A few times," she answered shyly, blushing slightly for some reason. My right hand crept up as I felt the urge to check my neck. Belinde, noticing my movements, slapped my left bicep lightly and said. "Don't worry silly, I've never fed on you."

  I wondered if I would know. I'd be sleeping with one eye open from now on though. Belinde saw the wheels turning in my head and gave an exasperated little sigh.

  A moment later we were standing beside a Maserati that was the strangest color of silver gray that I had ever seen. It actually took effort to keep my eyes on the car. There was an entire rainbow of muted colors just under the surface that was neither silver-gray, nor gray silver. It was such a beautiful car yet I had to resist the urge to look away.

  "This can't be my car," I said in surprise. Wellington had handed me a set of keys and said they were to my new car. This car was definitely not used or old.

  "Trust me," Belinde said with a grin, "this is the right car." I removed the keys from my jacket pocket and tried the door key. It worked, smooth as butter. I got in the car, throwing my bag in the back seat as the driver's seat molded itself to my body like a living thing. Watching Belinde walk around the car and enter from the passenger side with a look of pride and accomplishment on her face, I felt a pang of guilt for not opening her door. She sighed a little ‘Oooo’ as she experienced the self-molding leather seat then buckled her seatbelt like this was an everyday thing for her. She looked over at me with that lovely little face that made men stumble, and nodded towards the dash. "Well,” she asked, "are we going?"

  I slid the key into the ignition and cranked the motor over. It started instantly with a feeling of such raw unbridled power that I momentarily questioned my ability to handle the vehicle. That questioning was quickly replaced by the raw desire to drive the powerful machine. If Belinde really was a vampire, which was still blowing my mind, then I really should check out this new job. The perks were pretty good so far, I thought as I wrapped my hands around the steering wheel and darted a surreptitious glance at Belinde's chest.

  "Ok," I asked, "where are we going?"

  "Don't ask me," Belinde replied, "ask the car." I couldn't see a GPS panel anywhere. There was no NAV-SAT system logos or buttons. I didn't even see a stereo, just walnut, chrome, black panels and black leather. I looked at Belinde in absolute confusion but she just tilted her head toward the dash.

  "Car?" I inquired. Nothing. "Really expensive car?" I inquired further. Still nothing. I was reminded of an old Star Trek movie where Scottie was trying to talk to the computer through the mouse. "Computer?" I inquired hopefully.

  "Good afternoon, Mr. Aingeal. How can I help you?"

  I spasmed in my seat as the car answered in easily the sexiest voice I had ever heard. "I'm supposed to meet Wellington at some place called The Estate. Can you point me in the right direction?"

  "Of course, Mr. Aingeal," the sultry voice answered. "West."

  "Could you be a bit more specific?" I asked.

  "Of course, Mr. Aingeal," the car replied. "West of your current location." This was going to become very annoying very quickly.

  "Computer,” Belinde interjected, "could you please offer Mr. Aingeal any information and suggestions that he might find useful in his current situation?”

  "Of course passenger," the car replied. Belinde who had been getting along with the car up to this point directed a dirty look at the dashboard.

  "That would be Miss Dagmar," she informed the car.

  "Of course Miss Dagmar," the car replied. Then in an even sexier voice, if that was even possible, the car spoke again. "I would suggest you don your interface glasses before proceeding, Mr. Aingeal."

  The only glasses I had were the pair Wellington had given me. Hoping those were the glasses the car was referring to, I reached into my coat pocket and found gum, a pen and a Leatherman multi-tool. Remembering that I had tossed my bag into what was pretending to be a back seat, I reached back into my bag and located the leather snap case Wellington had given me. Inside I found a stylish pair of half frame glasses that managed to look both modern and antique. "Here goes," I commented as I raised the glasses to my face and gave Bel a quick wink.

  As I put the glasses on my face, the world sprang into focus. I didn't need glasses, but I loved these. I could see subtle shades of color that I had never noticed before. Everything I looked at seemed to have more depth and the windshield was covered in a heads up display that contained a map showing a course already plotted from where I was parked to my destination. Separate sections of the display showed traffic information, police, fire and ambulance information. There was a continuous changing weather section with current forecast and a few other things that looked very interesting but held no meaning for me.

  Feeling much more in control of myself, I put the car in gear and pulled out into traffic. A few minutes after pulling out, I noticed that the route had changed. According to the display, there had been a minor fender bender ahead that I had been automatically routed past. I could get used to this. The transmission had been a bit tricky at first but I quickly realized that a hybrid cross of standard and automatic transmissions just made sense and I found myself hoping that I could take the Maserati out on the highway to really open it up. Maybe there would be time for that later. "Computer,” I asked, "is there any chance we could listen to some music?"

  "Of course, Mr. Aingeal," the car replied seductively, "what kind of music would you like to hear?"

  "Rock would be nice, not too old, not too new, something that fits with driving." There was a brief pause before Bruce Springsteen's 'Born To Run' began thumping through a hidden sound system. A big smile spread across my face. Life was improving.

  About two thirds of the way to our destination, a red dot appeared behind our current location icon. 'Jessie's Girl' was suddenly muted and the car issued a warning, "We appear to have a black luxury SUV following us, sir." The car still had a sexy voice but it was definitely much more business like now. "Should I deploy counter-measures?" I wasn't sure what the counter-measures would be and I had never been in a car chase. Better not to use up our bag of tricks just
yet I decided.

  "Not just yet computer," I answered. "Could you give me a hand outrunning them?"

  "It would be my pleasure, Mr. Aingeal," the car replied, this time sounding downright mischievous. "Please follow the rapidly blinking commands that appear before you. A more basic version of the map appeared on the display, along with present speed and projected speed. In the top left hand corner of the windshield was an image of the vehicle following us.

  I pointed at the display to get Bel's attention but realized she wouldn't be able to see what I was pointing at. "I wish I had a rocket launcher," I grumbled out loud. "I'd blow those bastards right off the road!" I was preparing to make a sharp right turn and goose the accelerator when I heard a pop/puff and noticed a yellow dot racing away from us and toward the black SUV behind us. The red dot on the display veered sharply left but the yellow dot followed its course through two more erratic course changes before both dots suddenly disappeared. Even through the confines of the car and the distance between us I was able to hear a faint whoosh.

  "Target eliminated," the car stated proudly. Damn, I had really been looking forward to an action scene. I won't lie; I felt more than a little disappointed at not being able to race through narrow side streets like James Bond. I guess I would have to watch my mouth around the car. The sudden thought of my car blowing up a soccer mom and her brood after being cut off made me shiver.

  "Computer," I asked, "what is your name?" The car seemed confused for a full two seconds then answered.

  "You may refer to me as Computer or any other name you may choose as long as I am informed of your choice." Before I could reply, the car added, "I believe I would be partial to Samantha."

  "That sounds fine to me as long as I can call you both Sam and Samantha."

  "Agreed," the car replied.

  "Excellent,” I said cheerfully. “Now, there is just one thing I'd like to clear up. Please don't shoot rockets at people or use any other weapons or counter measures without asking me first. Unless, of course, you are responding to a threat I haven't noticed or wouldn't have time to discuss," I finished as an afterthought.

  "Acknowledged," Samantha replied in a slightly wounded tone.

  "Oh, and Sam,” I said, "great shot."

  "Thank you Mr. Aingeal," Samantha responded, obviously bristling with pride.

  Ok, I had a moody female for a car that might slam us both into a bus if I wasn't polite and a vampire in the passenger seat. Speaking of vampires... "Bel, how is it that the sunlight doesn't affect you?" I asked. I had relaxed enough, despite recent explosions, to address the vampire issue.

  "It does, silly," she replied in her normal manner. "That's why I had to put you down earlier." Now that I thought about it, there had been no direct sunlight before the point in the foyer where Belinde had set me down. Mental note, arguments with Bel should happen outside at high noon.

  "I thought vampires burst into flames when they met direct sunlight?" I more asked than stated.

  "I'm a succubus, Declan. There is a difference," Belinde responded with a wounded tone.

  "I really don't think I'm seeing the point," I said. "I'm sorry."

  We rode in silence for a few minutes before Bel decided to speak. "Vampire and Succubae are different like horses and dogs are different," she began. "To say I'm a vampire is the same as me saying you're like a dolphin; just because you're both mammals doesn't mean you’ll have legs or flippers."

  "But you both drink blood," I stated quickly.

  "Succubae need very little blood," she reminded me. "It's not so much the blood that we want anyway." I remembered stories about Succubae from the monster phase I went through as a kid. That would be the phase between dinosaurs and science fiction. I remembered quite clearly that a succubus would suck the life from men as they slept. That was the main ingredient in every tale.

  "So you don't suck the life out of men while they sleep?" I asked meekly, as we had entered the suburbs and a large strip of trees was blocking any direct sunlight.

  "It's not ‘asleep’. God, that part is always wrong!" Belinde attempted to cross her arms over her chest then gave up and crossed them under her ample breasts with an even more aggravated expression and actually stomped her pretty little foot slightly. I had a hard enough time trying to figure out what was going through the mind of a woman. I wasn't about to even try with a woman that was also a vampire, sorry, 'succubus' I mentally reproached myself.

  Bel didn't speak to me for the rest of the ride but she also didn't beat me to a pulp, break my neck or drain me dry so I had to figure I was breaking even. We were nearing our destination and I was feeling a flutter of excitement. Belinde was still pouting and had somehow managed to cross her arms over her chest.

  Pouting like this was a very different device when Belinde employed it as opposed to most others. Her full, pouty rosebud lips couldn't have been designed better for the purpose and when she crossed her arms over her exquisite cleavage, she denied any clear view of that magnificently sculpted area of her anatomy. I wouldn't doubt that most men would trip all over themselves to make her happy again, just so long as she uncrossed her arms again. I had a number of other things on my mind at the moment however and I had built up considerable immunity by working with the sexy little vampire. I was also still nursing a teeny tiny grudge against her for the past five months.

  My H.U.D. was indicating that I had reached my destination. I pulled to a stop outside a very imposing set of wrought-iron gates. I could see what looked like a four-car garage attached at the right hand side of a very large and stately home. Its architecture definitely dwarfed the surrounding homes in the area. "This must be ‘The Estate,’" I said in general. "Do we ram the gates or is someone going to let us in?" I asked, again in general and as much to myself.

  "I can open the gates if you wish, Mr. Aingeal," Samantha offered.

  "Don't tell me, these gates fall into roughly the same category as countermeasures?" I asked, only to be rewarded with silence. "Ok,” I said, "you can tell me now."

  "You are correct, Mr. Aingeal," Samantha answered. This was becoming tiresome very quickly.

  "Sam, call me Declan,” I said. “Open the gate. Please try to keep in mind that I'm new to this and have no idea what's going on."

  "Very well Declan," Sam replied, once again using her curt tone. I really was going to have to be careful about upsetting her or she might slam us both into more than a bus some day.

  I pulled forward as the gates opened. I marveling at the beautiful front yard, its landscaping so textured and sprawling that grounds would be a more apt description. I really and truly hoped that this wasn't some kind of sick joke my brain was playing on me as I bled out on crosswalk with the remnants of a meatball sandwich clutched in my hand. If I got to drive this car and live in this place until the end came, I would consider it a solid deal I thought as the garage doors opened at my approach. There were a couple very nice cars parked in the garage beside a beastly looking relative of the Hummer.

  I took the one open stall, hoping that I wasn't stealing someone's spot. Before I shut the engine off I said, "Thanks for taking care of us, Sam."

  "You're welcome, Declan," Samantha replied, sounding suitably mollified. With that I shut the car off and grabbed my bag from the back seat. Walking around the car, I noticed that Belinde hadn't opened her door. I opened the passenger door and Bel put her hand out to me. She had obviously enjoyed the ride in the expensive car and now wanted me to play the part.

  I was actually impressed that Bel could ooze 'regal' the way she did but then again I was also impressed by the fact that she could pick me up like a bad puppy. I'd play nice but I still wasn't about to fall asleep with her in the same room. She had her arm in mine the way she tended to favor as we walked toward the more welcoming of the two doors at the back of the garage. It turned out that we had made the right choice as the door opened into a small foyer that adjoined the main foyer. The place was spotless but somehow skipping around in my so
ck feet didn't feel right so I gave my shoes a few good wipes on the mat and led Belinde forward. I wasn't surprised to see that Wellington had beaten us here.